where I was meant to live
some thoughts on simplicity
For most of my life I’ve fought against simplicity.
The still morning moments before my boys are awake.
The small life in an ordinary-looking home.
The minimalistic lifestyle and wardrobe.
The little moments that go without notice or fanfare.
I’ve always been drawn to the big and loud moments—the ones where I felt like I could really matter. I sought after praise and accomplishments and I looked to those things for fruit.
Social media followers and likes.
My talents and degrees.
My possessions and shiny objects.
Growing up, I conflated popularity and confidence, thinking they went hand in hand. I assumed that those who had both were blessed, and I desperately longed for the attention they brought. Even as an adult, it’s a struggle for me to let go of my ideas of blessing and abundance. It’s easy to believe that God would give popularity and an audience because that’s prosperous, right?
But God continues to teach me that my fruit is not found in busyness or accolades or productivity. It’s found in relishing the small moments because God is often the small whisper of our lives. I’ve become more aware of the simplicity that God was beckoning me towards for years.
He longed for me to see him within the small, ordinary moments of my days. He desired for me to find him within the messy middle reaching his hand out toward me—follow me into something better—similar to how my son reaches his hand out to me and says “come on, mama”.
My fruit comes from being aware of the beauty and peace that comes from living in the present moment. It’s in moments of laughter with my son, the quiet still as the sun rises, the sips of coffee on a rainy day, and my bare-faced smile when I feel the sun upon my face. It’s morning walks and picking flowers that Wesley points out, reaching toward the beauty of this world that I used to be blind to.
I’m no longer fighting the draw toward simplicity because I’ve found the goodness within embracing it.
Simplicity is what God designed for us. It’s in Eden, our first home and the home that God intended for us. We were never meant to be forced between opinions and ideas and productivity and efficiency. God intended for us to walk within the beauty of nature, the sweetness of fruit trees, and the calm wind of our very own heavenly paradise. It’s no wonder that the draw toward simplicity speaks so eloquently to my heart: it’s where I was always meant to live.
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