Over the last few years, I’ve become one of those people who chooses a word for their year. Last year, it was a phrase: eyes wide open. The year before it was compassion. But just a few weeks before 2023, I still had no idea what I wanted my word for this year to be.
As I began to ponder this, I kept coming back to a few themes: tension, uncertainty, and inner turmoil. I know that sounds extremely discouraging, but stick with me here.
When I looked back on my year, all I could really see at first were the challenges. I felt like I had to choose motherhood over myself and my own dreams and desires. I struggled to feel good about my body most days. I felt confused about my future and my place in it, especially when it came to my career. I felt lonely even though I wasn’t alone. And I felt like my writing wasn’t good enough, and I was falling into traps of comparing myself with others.
But then I considered the joys of 2022: my son’s smile. Him starting preschool and expanding his vocabulary and understanding of the world. Getting published in a devotional. Making new friends. Growing spiritually. Meditating. Making progress in my writing and with my book. Feeling validated and seen by others. Getting a library card. Giving gifts to others. Growing and caring for my plants and garden. Feeling like I had something to offer the world. Experiencing God’s presence. Feeling an overwhelming sense of peace.
The words that kept coming back to me were ones that all revolved around sensing peace in my life: selflessness, patience, connection, belonging, trust, grace, joy, and gentleness. And that very night after this brainstorming, I attended an event at my church for moms. At that event, our speaker that month talked to us about self care, boundaries, and selfhood. Peace comes from having those in a good balance. And then, at the end of the evening, we were all gifted essential oil rollers that had one word on them—you guessed it—peace.
In 2023, I want to experience peace like I never have before. I want to experience peace even when I’m walking in a difficult season, even when I’m dealing with toddler tantrums, and even when I feel less than, uncertain about my future, and experiencing inner turmoil from my inner critic’s harsh words. I need peace that rolls like a river so I can show up as fully as I can in my life.
Some of the ways that I am going to be intentional about experiencing peace this year are:
Sitting within the unknowns and uncertainties instead of being ruled by them. I find myself thinking far too much about the unknowns of my future instead of being fully present. I want to be better at trusting that God will provide clarity when the time is right.
Keeping Wesley’s needs at the forefront and focusing on my role as nurturer and provider while I am home with him. I need to be better about remembering that my number one role in this season is to be a mom and homemaker. I feel the tension between motherhood and writing when I am trying too hard to get things done when I need to, instead, just be present with him. I’m finding that I’m experiencing more inner peace when I’m focusing on him instead of on the things I want to do or the things I think I need to get done.
Taking care of myself and growing in self-discipline. Too often, I find myself being reactive instead of proactive when it comes to meditating, spending time with God, etc. It’s only after I realized I haven’t meditated in a week—which is why I’m feeling angsty—that I decide that I should probably meditate. Instead, I want to be better about doing these things to prevent myself becoming that way. To experience more peace in my life, I need to be more disciplined in my routines and habits so that they are leading me toward a life of peace and toward God.
Prioritizing friendships. To be honest, this is an area that I’ve sucked at for most of my life. But I’m learning that having relationships with other women is really important, and it helps me to feel connected to others. This year, I want to be better about reaching out to others and making/keeping strong connections with the women in my life.
Being kinder to myself. My inner critic is really loud all the time about everything. It’s quite annoying, and side note: I literally did not know that not everyone has an inner voice like mine until I learned about the enneagram. It’s one of the downsides of being a One for sure. Regardless, I want to be more aware of the negative things I speak to myself and turn it around to be more constructive or honestly, just ignore it if it’s unhealthy or not of God. A lot of my inner critic’s words have added to my lack of peace this last year.
Being more patient about things that are out of my control. I read in a book recently that impatience is our reaction to other people not doing things in the way that we think they should. And that stung a little bit because that’s literally me, but it also gave me words to understand why I am so impatient and frustrated a lot of the time: it’s because things aren’t going the way I think they should go, and that’s been especially evident since having a toddler. I find myself getting impatient with him because he is a child and just simply doesn’t understand. But regardless, his actions—the actions of anyone other than myself, really—are entirely out of my control. I cannot allow my peace to be shaken because of the actions of other people. All I can do is respond in a way that is gracious and loving. I want to be better about that this year.
So, there you have it. My word for this year is peace. I want to experience peace like never before—peace that is totally overwhelming and fills my senses. When I returned from my spiritual retreat in October, I felt completely covered in peace like a blanket around my soul. But, as it usually goes, that blanket slowly fell off and I once again found myself undergoing attacks from the enemy. My peace was shaken, and I became fixated on things out of my control. My inner critic was at its worst tearing me down with subtle thoughts and nudges.
But no longer will I allow the enemy to steal my peace. I feel that I am back to that feeling of peace that I had in October, but it takes strength and endurance to keep pulling that blanket back over myself. So this year, that’s the goal: to keep that blanket of peace surrounding my soul, allowing God to do the heavy lifting and carrying it for me when I grow weak.
What is your word for 2023? Let me know in the comments below so I can be praying over it for you.