Living in Uncertainty

on losing my job + a fun lil announcement

Jun 25, 2025

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve sat down to write. I would like to say it’s because I’ve been just oh, so busy or that life has gotten away from me, but that’s really not the case. I’ve had loads of time on my hands, yet I’ve struggled to put words to this season I’ve been in since the end of April.

I lost my job on April 28th. I knew that it was coming, and to be quite frank, I was already looking for an exit. I had applied for a few other positions and was discerning my next steps. So when I was called into the Monday morning meeting where I was told I was being let go (something about “calling” and how I can’t work there if I’m not 100% bought in), I wasn’t really surprised or even upset. I mean, I was a little upset because I discovered the previous Friday that my email had been disabled so I knew this conversation was coming, but I wasn’t upset that I was being let go. If anything, I felt redeemed and finally free from a place where I felt undervalued and underutilized.

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After the initial shock of “did that really just happen?”, it finally settled in for me that I had the freedom to pursue whatever it was that I wanted, but that also brought with it a lot of uncertainty because what the heck did I actually really want to do with my life?

These were the things that crossed my mind in those initial weeks:

I could create an e-course for women as passive income
I could write an e-book or devotional and self-publish on Amazon
I’ll use this time to work on my book idea
Maybe I should just apply for every higher education job I see online since that’s what most of my background is in
If I get desperate enough, maybe I’ll apply for another job in non-profit fundraising (but I would really have to be desperate to do that)
I’m just going to work on my paint by number and dwell in my uncertainty for a bit
Let me just go to the library and check out some fiction books so I can pretend I’m living someone else’s story for a while

As you can see, I really had no idea what to do with this season. Both boys were still going to daycare to maintain their routine, but I didn’t know what to do with all the time on my hands. I write a lot about “showing up in your life” and how “hardship shapes us and makes way for the harvest”, but during this season all of those things sounded like “blah, blah, blah” to me (cue the adult voices from Charlie Brown).

Yes, I knew that God was preparing something better for me.

Yes, I understood that this season was shaping me.

Yes, I had the opportunity to better myself and do things that brought me joy again.

I knew all of those things were true, yet I felt so paralyzed in my uncertainty over my future.

How can we show up when the future we expected has been ripped away from us? How can we exist fully within this life when it doesn’t feel full or complete? How can we walk well in the seasons that threaten to unravel the life we thought we knew?

Friend, I wish I had better answers to these questions. Maybe something wise that I could leave you with. The only thing I have to offer is that we just put one foot in front of the other. We trust that God is making something beautiful within the chaos and the mess. We find gratitude in broken places and believe that He is redeeming it. We wake up each morning with the hope that today is the day that God will give even a sliver of a glimpse into his wondrous plans.

When we find ourselves in seasons of uncertainty, all we can do is show up with open hands, trusting that God is at work in this place.

On June 11th, I had my first interview for a dream job that felt out of reach. By June 13th, I already had a verbal offer, and I’ll be starting on July 7th. It truly feels like a dream.

While this season was one that was trying, I know that God was making a way behind the scenes. He removed me from a place where I had become complacent and that was no longer a good fit for me. He saw the desires of my heart and was so gracious in meeting me there.

It’s hard to find words to describe the gratitude I feel for a God who knows everything about us and provides our every need. I’ve known hardship and I’ve known harvest. But I’ll always be grateful for the seasons that remind me of my need for God and that God sees me in the most intimate ways.

I’m being published in Calla Press!

If you haven’t already seen over on Instagram, I have an article being published in Calla Press Publishing’s Literary Journal, Living in Wonder. Out of over 100 articles and poems being published, my essay was selected as one of the feature pieces and is showcased within the first few pages.

You can pre-order Living in Wonder here on their website. Thank you to the Calla Press Publishing team for their support of my writing!