Cardinals, Blue Jays, and a Ladybug
a story of God's promises
TW: this post briefly discusses pregnancy anxiety and loss.
When I was first pregnant with Ezra, I began receiving visits from cardinals and blue jays. They frequented our large oak tree in the front yard, but they started showing up on our back patio, right in my line of vision from our living room couch. I also had a personal encounter with a ladybug that landed on my shoulder at work and would not fly away. As one does, I began googling what it means to be visited by cardinals, blue jays, and ladybugs (by the way, there are a lot of different answers out there). One that struck me though, was abundance. I wasn’t necessarily after abundance as you would normally think, but I was after assurance from the Lord that the gift I was carrying inside me would be healthy and add joy to our family.
You see, early on my pregnancy with Ezra, I had a lot of deep rooted anxiety around how we would make ends meet and the health of my baby. With Wesley, I didn’t have these fears. He was our first child, and pregnancy loss was never something I worried about. But this time around, we had friends who had lost their babies, and most recently, friends of ours lost their baby a little over halfway through their pregnancy. As we grieved with them, my anxiety continued to grow.
With this fresh on my mind and heart, I went for a walk around our neighborhood. As I rounded the corner away from our street, I brought my concerns before the Lord. I told him of my anxious heart, my grief for my friends, my questions about if we were ready for another baby, and my hope for this baby’s health and who he would be. I then asked God for a sign that I would carry this baby to full term and that he would be born healthy and do big things for the Kingdom.
I know, I know - this probably sounds really strange and honestly, it was really out of character for me. I’ve struggled to ask God for a sign in the past because I didn’t want to “test” him or make him mad. I know that Scripture is scattered with stories of God’s promises and provision, and I’ve learned to trust in the gift-giving nature of God, but I’ve often wrestled with the idea that God still works miracles or gives tangible promises today. Perhaps that’s a lack of faith or a growing cynical outlook on my part, but I often shy away from asking God directly for a sign.
But regardless, that’s what I did in my desperation. I said “God, give me a sign—no, a promise—that this baby will be carried to full term, will live a long life, and that he will do big things for your kingdom.”
I looked up at that moment, and saw a red bird statue in a yard across the street. I squinted and tried to look as closely as I could without being creepy to see it closer because, surely, this couldn’t be a cardinal after I had been seeing them constantly for the last few weeks.
I said, “God, if that’s really you, show me a cardinal and a blue jay.”
As I continued on my walk, I kept my eyes peeled for the sign, and I kept speaking to the Lord about the state of my heart. After another 1/2 mile or so, I saw it: a welcome sign in a yard that had both a blue jay and a cardinal on it.
Me being me, said “God, if that’s really you, show me a ladybug too.”
At this point, God probably thought something like, “Wow, this girl is insufferable” (I kid, I kid), but I truly felt like I was annoying God at this point. I kept going on my walk, and a few steps later saw another yard sign with a cardinal and blue jay on it.
I said, “That’s great, God, thank you for that, but where’s my ladybug?”
I continued on, yearning for this promise, desperately hoping that God would come through. As I rounded the corner onto my street, I remembered the house a few doors down that had a mailbox painted with ladybugs. In my attempt to cheat the promise, I kept going, but God said, this is my promise for you.
I looked up, and there was a yard flag with one single thing on it: a large red and black ladybug.
As soon as I saw that ladybug flag, my tears and thank yous felt like they would never be enough to convey by gratefulness for the deeply personal encounter that I had just experienced with the Lord. He saw me in my desperation, eager for Him to move, and He did. He spoke so clearly and tenderly touched my heart. And, while I frequently walk or run in our neighborhood, I had never noticed any of these signs before. That first red bird was gone the next time I looked for it, making me wonder if God had placed it there only for my eyes to see.
Our God is faithful to give us good gifts and responds to the yearnings of our heart. Here I am now, nearly a year removed from this moment, and I’m living in the middle of the promise. Ezra Michael is healthy and perfect. His name is a testament to that promise: Ezra meaning “helper” and Michael meaning “who is like our God”. God willing, he will grow to be a helper for the Kingdom, living in ways that are like Jesus.
If you are holding out for a promise today, know that the Lord sees you. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to how He may be speaking through every day things. You never know when He’ll use something like a cardinal, blue jay, or ladybug to deliver His promise to you.
